Guilt

For probably the first time in a long time, I haven't felt guilty. I have always lived under the standards of a God who has always known what is right for me. Living up to his expectations has been hard. Anything that I felt was not to His code of moral uprightness always caused me guilt.
Perhaps it's not so much His pressure, but the internal expectation I placed on myself. I never felt good enough, always fighting to live to be someone that I felt I was not. Always failing, and living a life that I never felt was mine. I think all my baggage along with the sensation of living a double life crippled me.
I'm free of that crippling feeling. I can actually just be me for a while.
In light of all of this, I'm not sure how His forgiveness really works. I've always been taught that forgiveness of sin provides freedom. But under the yoke of trying to change for the sake of being a "good Christian", I felt its weight. Maybe, I've missed something fundamental in my relationship with God. In fact, I'm sure of it.
I think that there was too much of the, "If you love God then ...". Does God love me sins and all? Does he love me for the way he made me? Isn't there a double responsibility for what I am?
All of a sudden, I'm not sure how it all ties together. Surely, I'm not supposed to live under such guilt. Does being "me" gel with what the bible wants to make me into? Is this just the church's inadvertent legalism that has filtered into what is good?